This is what it means to be held,
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be Held.
Sung by Natalie Grant Lyrics by Christa Wells
I rarely write about the spiritual aspects of my journey. To other Christians that may seem like a denial of my faith. My reasoning is this: I am sharing my healing journey for all who have been abused. I don’t want anyone to turn away from the strategies for healing because they are turned off by or opposed to my religious views. I feel a need to stray from that today and share the profound meaning of these lyrics.
First—how I came upon this song. I stayed away from church for much of my healing journey because most Sundays I was too physically or emotionally fragile. One Sunday I felt up to attending the service. A college student, who I knew well as a child, sang a solo, Held by Natalie Grant. I wasn’t familiar with the song at the time, but haven’t forgotten it since. Her voice took my breath away as the lyrics clenched my heart.
I’ve been asked two questions numerous times. Are you angry at God for letting this happen to you? And How did you survive as a child? For me, this song answers both. I am not angry with God. We are all born with free will and the ability to make choices. My parents chose to abuse me. God could not protect me from their free will, but he could protect the core of me, keeping me strong until I could face my demons on my own. I survived as a child because I believe God held me in his hands. I was never alone.
They tore the sacred from me, but I survived.When everything fell, I was Held.